Matti Guillette

You Have Socialized Me

Although we may not realize it, the society is shaping who we are. Unfortunately, society isn’t always benefiting the way that we look at ourselves. Because we don’t always see or pay attention to these awful things going on around us, we sometimes conform to society and the oppression within it. Socialization, according to an online dictionary, is “a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position.” Norms are things that we as humans find “normal” such as manners, religion, music, and clothes. These norms shape us into who we are. They teach us what is and isn’t okay to do, say, act, dress, or look in certain ways. To be considered “normal” Members of our society, including myself, fray from being who they truly are. I’ve been socialized to view myself as someone who is “less than” and strive to be different in order to be accepted because I am a member of non-dominant society in certain areas. Every person is either an agent or target in religion, economic class, sexual orientation, age, gender, and ability. The agents would be Christian, upper-class, straight, adult, male without disabilities. I personally am a target in religion, age, gender, and ability. I have been socialized to try to be “popular,” to feel that I am “less than” because of my age, and that I need to be “sexy” to be liked by boys.

 Girls not only my age, but younger and older, struggle with on a daily basis is being “popular” In the movie Mean Girls, Cady, the previously homeschooled African girl, is embarrassed that she’s talking to Janis, the non-popular but really nice friend of Cady’s. Cady used to be accepting to everyone and when she is exposed to society, she starts to lie about herself to impress the popular girl, Regina. In my personal experience, I have also seen myself slowly changing myself to be popular or liked by a boy. I wonder why people try so hard to be liked? What is she benefiting from by being Regina’s friend? Wiki How mentions that you need to shave, wear makeup, and dress in style to remain popular rather than being yourself and doing what you like or what feels comfortable to you. Girls care so much about what other people think about them and it damages their self-esteem. Why do girls conform to society? As I ask myself these questions I realize that I’m a part of this cycle. The pressure that it had on me in middle school resulted in me feeling really bad about myself. I would stay home from school because I felt too ugly to be seen in public. My grades dropped. The entire year was a mess. But as soon as I broke the chains of trying to be “cool” my life improved drastically. In some ways I can relate to Cady. In the end of the movie she admits that, “calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.” Girls nation wide have serious self image issues due to trying to be “cool” and “popular.” In the end, these things don’t matter. We as a society need to change our expectations for girls and women.

How do you feel “less than” around a big group of adults? Do you feel like if they were to go into a deep political conversation that they would value your input? I Definitely feel like my opinions don’t matter sometimes. Does this have to do with age? I think it does.  Some one on Yahoo Answers asked, “What is your honest opinion of teenagers?” The response was, “horrible, spoiled, materialistic, no respect at anyone, rude, lazy, money mad, dreaming of being a pop idol one day” Imagine everyone in the world had these opinions. How would teenagers feel about themselves? 11% of teenagers have a depressive disorder by the time they reach 18. I can’t help but notice a correlation. Adults don’t always want to hear what children have to say. Maybe if adults talked to us about current issues in the world including politics, society, and the economy, we would have a better way of benefiting it in the future. Every generation is unique. “It’s an age of lost of value.” Statements like this aren’t meant to empower our world’s future. I feel embarrassed when I am around people older than me because of my age. My voice isn’t always heard like it deserves to be.

Famous people have a huge influence on women and teenagers. A fault that I have noticed in Socialization is the sexualization of women in society. Cameron Dallas, Nash Grier, and JC Caylen, three very famous teenage boys, made a video of all the things that they liked in girls called, “What guys look for in girls” This video is very demeaning towards girls in some ways. I felt very uncomfortable throughout the video, especially when JC Caylen claims that they like when girls can “get freaky” when they’re alone. The video mentions how girls must shave and that any body hair is disgusting. When in fact it is natural. Yes, hygiene is important and most girls like to shave. But this video makes those who don’t, feel uncomfortable and maybe even insecure. They also mentioned that girls should wear makeup but not too much. They look ridiculous if they draw in their eyebrows.  Nash Grier claims that, “If you play too hard to get, then it’s just like, ‘oh, she doesn’t even like me,’ but if you play easy, then it’s just like, oh, she’s a whore.” Nash clearly doesn’t have much respect for women in society. Considering his millions of followers, he has a huge impact on girls, especially teenagers. There is too much pressure on girls through the media on being “perfect” and conforming to what other people think they should act/look like to be accepted or thought of as “sexy.”

These are all examples of very current problems in our society. Teenagers and women, including myself, have so much pressure on them to fit into social norms. The good news is, there are so many things that you can do to help stop the hateful messages brought to society. Be an advocate; make a stand if you see something wrong. Your voice will be heard if you try hard enough. Another thing you can do is to give compliments and be polite. There are some days that I go to school feeling so insecure and ugly that when the slightest thing goes wrong, I feel like snapping. If you see that someone is having a rough time, help him or her out. Point out something you like about them. Small acts of kindness help the most. The tiniest things can change somebody’s life. The article “5 Beneficial Side Effects of Kindness” by David Hamilton explains the chemical reaction to our body due to kindness. Kindness can actually improve not only mental health, but physical health. As Dr. Hamilton puts it, “The key is that acts kindness can produce oxytocin, and therefore kindness can be said to be cardio-protective.” Basically, he lists five different ways the kindness can completely change your health. In conclusion, the ways that I have been socialized has taken an emotional toll on me. However, socialization can be broken through kindness and being an advocate.

My mask uses symbols to reflect the socialization of girls and teenagers in society. I show Alice looking threw the hole into her personality to show the difference from girls who are being someone that they aren’t rather than staying true to themselves. The mad hatter at the bottom shows that its okay to be a little crazy sometimes. I show the queen of hearts at the top to represent the “queen bees” or the popular girls. The entire bottom half represents how like could be if Alice would stay true to herself and be who she is. My mask is pink and blue to represent gender and quotes are scattered on the mask that connect Alice in Wonderland to socialization.